Man shits himself
A man, in his late 20s, is sitting on the toilet grunting and moaning as he shits out a big log in a decrepit bathroom. There is not really much he can do about the dismal state of his bathroom, or even his flat, after all he lives in a post-consumerist society which lays waste to everything in its path. Just think about the shit that he is shitting out into the shitter and its path through the shitpipe eventually ending up in a cesspit of shite. If only Trump was in one.
Then suddenly and unexpectedly, as should be, two extra-terrestrial beings appear out of nowhere right in front of the man. They are tall and slim with elongated heads and big beady eyes, geometrical tattoos decorated over their bodies and their wrists wrapped in gold bracelets, and what takes the man aback is how luminous blue their auras glow. He is agape with his trousers down sitting on the shitter, his mouth wide open before one of the beings looks down, smiles a wry smile and then proceeds to slap the fuck out of his face to snap him out of his unbelief.
“Hello there Julian, I guess you weren’t expecting us to just appear out of nowhere especially if you’re shitting but that’s exactly why we’re here. You see, we know a lot about you, you’re special to us. We’re aware that you have been thinking most of your life about life, the universe, and everything in between. But we thought we’d start somewhere a little closer to home for you, your shit. You see, it’s a metaphor for all the waste and carelessness in your society. Do you realise where your shit goes?”
“Erm, no.”
“Let me show you.”
The being raises her arm and touches the man instantly enlightening him, due to the being’s DNA being transmitted consciously and with the specific information regarding shit over to the man’s DNA. He is treated to a stream of consciousness going through his mind’s eye following the shit’s process through the sewer system ending up in a sewage treatment plant mixing with the water supply. Eventually he comes out of it and realise that is what he is doing right now: contributing his shit to society.
The other being smiles again, and adds “Let us show you a better way, if you will?”, but still grabs him anyway and disappear into thin air. They appear on another planet, which seems like Earth, but is not.
“Where am I?!” asks the man, in shock.
“You’re on Earth” one of the beings reply.
“But we disappeared into thin air! How can we still be on Earth?”
“This is Earth but in a different dimension. There are infinite parallel dimensions, each one slightly different than the next, so imperceptible that if you shifted into the one right next to the one you were just in you wouldn’t tell the difference.”
“We have taken you to a dimension a few sides along so you might be able to notice a difference, have a look around” added the other being.
The man looks around and starts noticing small things that are now different from his dimension. He stares in disbelief.
“We have taken you here because in this reality, every single shit that is shat out doesn’t go to waste. You see, shit is a by-product of the energy that you take into your bodies, but it is still energy regardless. Here in this reality you can see that every house, town and city in the world draws all their electricity from shit, since all the toilets are fitted with a portable generator which generates electricity every time someone shits.”
The other being turns around, looks at the man and smiles “And of course, there is no limit on how much people can shit.”
They go on a merry tour going from toilet to toilet, shitter to shitter, peeking through the door and waving at people sat on the toilet shitting waving back with beaming smiles.
Eventually they come across a stoner shitting out his munchies, his eyes are bloodshot red and he is feeling baked as fuck. He completes his shit and stands up pulling his trousers up proceeding to press a button on the cistern. The toilet starts to generate electricity which is sent through a pipe into a meter box powering the whole building.
“That was a nice shit” sighs the stoner, “and it’s amazing how I get all the electricity from my shit so I can grow my buds. Let me show you!”
They walk out of the bathroom and into a huge living room full of house plants, but a certain plant stands out, and it truly looks majestic. Gold encrusted leaves and rich golden sticky buds decorate the stem and there is a golden aura emanating from it. The host draws out a golden joint, perfectly rolled up, and sparks up. He takes a few puffs and gives it to the extra-terrestrial beings who are more than happy to indulge, and then the man. They get baked as fuck straightaway and gets enveloped in a smoky haze that fills the room.
Sometime later, the man reappears back in his dimension with the extra-terrestrial beings, who drops him off at his apartment.
“That was fun! Can you take me to another dimension again? What about your planet?” asks the man.
“Yeah it was fun, but we cannot take you again, at least not right now. That was just a glimpse of what could be possible in your reality if you people can realise it. You can see just how wasteful your society is in all areas of life, and it might seem insurmountable to change anything. But to change something, there has to be inward change first. And there’s no better place to start with than your own shit.”
“Laters” said the other being, smiling, and then they disappeared into thin air leaving the man with an unforgettable experience.